Amazon is where you go for deals, near instantaneous shipping and to easily restock your family favorites. But, truthfully, Amazon is the host of some pretty weird sh*t. And if that surprises you, then join the club – we’re working on getting jackets.
We have no idea why Amazon would sell this stuff, but a good rule of business is not to sell what people aren’t buying. So in other words, we can only blame ourselves and the oddity of internet culture for perpetuating this seemingly endless episode of “WTF Amazon.”
1) Snot mittens – because tissues aren’t environmentally friendly.
But what do you do with your hands after you blow snot all over them?
Price on Amazon: $19.99
2) This silicone face slimmer claims to shape and tone your facial muscles.
Bonus effect: You look like some kind of weird fish.
Price on Amazon: $1.59
3) Spruce up your space with an asthmatic granny decal.
Her head is life size.
Price on Amazon: $42.76
4) Beauty Maid Incense Burner
Why is the smoke pouring out of her nipples?
Price on Amazon: $17.99
5) Oopsie?
Technically also an effect you can product for free (if you’re willing to ruin a pair of your pants).
Price on Amazon: $23.95
6) 55 gallons of lube: because it’s always better to be prepared.
For people who enjoy anal sex a LOT.
Price on Amazon: $1,450.86
7) Crafting With Cat Hair
This is the crazy cat person manual.
Price on Amazon: $12.69
8) Looking to lose your appetite? Here’s a cookbook full of semen-based recipes.
People have way, way, way too much free time.
Price on Amazon: $22.49 (regularly $24.99)
9) The most self-explanatory pillow to exist printed using the most pleasing font: Helvetica.
Better decor does not exist.
Price on Amazon: $34.00
10)Putt putt while you’re making a poop poop.
Or just read your phone like everyone else.
Price on Amazon: $12.99
11)Human Body Fat Replica with Display Base
Now you, too, can own a pound of human fat on a display platter.
Price on Amazon: $23.10
12) Let Jeff watch over your bowel movements always.
Bonus: monkey.
Price on Amazon: $16.15
13) The chosen snack of those online who “are not owned.”
Whateva, Binch.
Price on Amazon: $12
14) Dog toots you can eat!
If you hang around the dog long enough, you can also get these for free.
Price on Amazon: $11
15) Nothing says “sexy” quite like Vladimir Putin, shirtless, riding a bear.
The question is not why, but rather, why not?
Price on Amazon: $79.99
16)Dingding Pillow Cushions
Clearly the secret to happiness is a family of plush, emotionless dicks.
Price on Amazon: $2.02+
17) Runny nose shower gel dispenser
Not funny. Just gross.
Price on Amazon: $10.48
18)See you in my dreams, sweet cheeks.
You’ll never feel lonely again in the fire of Nick’s piercing gaze.
Price on Amazon: $9.19
19) The phone case you’ve always wanted: a diseased toenail.
*vomit*
Price on Amazon: $23.92
20) Take out your stress on a disembodied boob.
No one will slap you for squeezing this one.
Price on Amazon: $8.60
MORE BAZAAR DEALS:
- These light up Pikachu slippers are shockingly cozy
- This Bowser puppet is menacing but totally adorbs
- These penguin dryer balls are your secret to soft laundry
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