Monday, March 27, 2017

Paul Ryan wallows in misery by listening to Papa Roach like the rest of us

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After Friday’sdeath of the GOP’s Obamacare replacement bill, the American Health Care Act, House speaker Paul Ryan wished somebody would tell him he’s fine.

At least, that is according to a hilarious Twitter joke involving band Papa Roach that quickly spiraled out of control.

Hours after President Donald Trump announced he was pulling the Obamacare replacement from the anticipated House vote on Friday, writer Justin Halpern tweeted out a screenshot of theNew York Times piece on the drama unfolding behind the scenes. It was the last paragraphthat really got Halpern’s attention

“It was a stunning failure for Paul Ryan,” the story waxes. “He exited the White House in defeat and took no questions as he stepped into his black SUV. Within moments, the muffled sound of Papa Roach’s ‘Last Resort’ were heard blaring from inside the car as it drove away.”

That’s some deep, comical stuff. Ryan, listening to an alternative-metal early-2000s banger aboutsuicide, willing the pain of the day’s defeat to just. Go. Away.

And it would have been the perfect ending, had it been true. Halpern had Photoshopped the screenshot from the original ending, which was much simpler but just as emotive:

“Ryan said the bill included ‘huge conservative wins.’ But those provisions were ultimately not enough.”

It was a bizarre moment for the circle that is media Twitter, which quickly ran with the shopped paragraph, gawking at how raw and sad our House speaker Ryan appeared to be after the day’s Republican upset. Within 30 minutes, the screenshot’s news cycle had come and gone, breaking necks at how quickly the joke had gone from ridiculous, to exposed, to overplayed and exhausted.

But that didn’t stop the amusement of theconcept of the joke itself: Ryan, who had hours earlier rushed to the White House to talk about pulling the bill, now had to face the realityof a scatteredparty under inexperienced leadership, and he apparently could only absolve those feelings of disappointment and misery with Papa Roach’s “Last Resort.”

The Paul Ryan/Papa Roach blip in history is the realest Fake News that ever was. Even the band caught on later that evening, with the Papa Roach Twitter account ever so subtly roasting the House speaker.

But Papa Roach also took a moment to address the song’s heavy subject matter, suicide, which in itself is nothing to joke about.

The kind reminder from the bandonly thickened the plotcompared to Ryan’s maniacal fantasy of taking healthcare away from poor people as a wee frat daddy, these papas were saints.

It’s almost poetic, if you think about it: darkness and depression surround “Last Resort,” itslyrics cryingof a world where nothing is fine and the end to life isnigh. However, this worldthis timeline in which Ryan stares out aheavily tinted window in the back seat of a black SUV, his blue eyes welling with red as a single tear streams down his cheek, “Last Resort” blasting from the car’s speakers via his Bluetooth-connected iPhoneis the only world we want to live in right now.

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