The Coke Zero Vs. Diet Coke Debate Has Finally Been Solved

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There a two things that will get a betch heated no matter what - a well timed "You are a Miranda" insult, and Coke Zero vs Diet Coke debate. Much like how the sky is blue, Coke is better than Pepsi. But a more nuanced comparison has always been the Diet Coke vs Coke Zero question. If you're asking yourself what the difference between the two is and why you were laughed at when you ordered a Diet Pepsi, then you can promptly sit the fuck down at the kids table and let the grown ups debate one of the most important issues of our time. Diet Coke is to Coke Zero what Regina George was to Cady Heron. But there is finally peace in girl world: Coke Zero is going to a nice farm upstate where no biddie can get screamed at for bringing it as a mixer to a pregame.

The Coca Cola Company has decided to "reinvent" Coke Zero as Coke Zero Sugar. That's like how people who just got fired say they're "exploring new opportunities." Coke Zero Sugar is the girl who got a nose job, her braces off, lost 10 pounds, and grew a cup size over the summer, but she still isn't as hot as Diet Coke.

Coke Zero Sugar still has zero calories and now has zero sugar, but will allegedly taste more like full-calorie Coke. I'm calling bullshit. What Stevia-inspired garage laboratory experiment is this? Even sugar-free gum has calories. I stopped paying attention in chemistry the second the teacher handed out the syllabus, but this is some Professor Snape potion magic. Maybe this new girl will be The Coke Who Lived, or maybe she's just another Weasley. Only time will tell. 

At least this gives us a new pre-game theme: a taste test of Diet Coke and Coke Zero Sugar as mixers.
 

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